Saturday, August 27, 2005



After the horribly down day all Friday (except when I was writing poetry in the Gardens with the group of poets from Pandora's Collective), I ended up having a much better day today.

Yesterday I could hardly stop the tears. During the outing to the park (you can read the poetry I wrote on ) I was in a good space and the Muse was certainly present. But in the evening I went to the L.Q. to dance and had to keep leaving to go either into the washroom or outside as I was so teary. Especially when the band played that song young William sings which A. had been translating for me last week. I couldn't hold it in any longer and dashed outside, just heartbroken. All during the evening to I was touched by the fact that A's friends kept coming over to ask me how he was and how I was doing. And then the evening took a positive turn when that lovely Frenchman arrived. We sat and talked and he has this marvelous smile that makes you want to smile back. He bought me a couple of drinks and then he walked me home. It was like (once again) he was being my guardian angel!

I went to bed last night just sobbing (in spite of my excellent company going home) and this morning I woke in the same mood but willed myself to get over it. Then I got a nice email from my Havana Buddy offering to loan me money for groceries (which I needed). I am so touched by the kindness of my friends! So we met and then I went grocery shopping and kept running into people along the Drive and stopped to chat. It was a bit late when I got home so I had a late start going to the hospital. I wanted to take A. the poetry I wrote yesterday, also 2 avocados and a peach as the hospital food is gross beyond words.

My stomach was upset when I left the house (as it has been all week). I was so afraid that other person would be there. But she wasn't, just his youngest daughter and grandkids. So we had an amazing visit, such sweet conversation. And in spite of it all he looked good and is keeping very cheerful. They came in to give him his meds and that means shortly after he's nodding off, so I left. But I felt so good. No stomach upset either! And came home feeling much more light-hearted and hopeful. Now I'm cooking a special good dinner (eating late, European style) but it smells delicious and I am going to enjoy my relaxing evening at home. No more tears tonight!

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