MONDAY, Oct 31 HALLOWE'EN
It is somehow appropriate that today is the viewing of my friend, that this weekend was the 'Day of the Dead" celebrations in many countries including Latin America. And his daughter told me today that every Hallowe'en he'd take the grandchildren out trick-or-treating. She said he loved Hallowe'en. Me too. It's always been a spooky but fun time for me. And tonight, I've invited friends over for a pot-luck video night to celebrate -- a 'day of the dead' remembrance. We're going to watch that marvelously funny film "Ed Wood" which seems oddly appropriate.
Patrick and I passed by the apartment today and had a little visit with his daughter and wife. Patrick had brought them gifts from Germany -- the gift he'd brought for Anibal (classical music) he gave to Anibal's wife and there was a box of special sweets for the rest of the family. They were so touched, both were in tears. Anibal had talked to them about Patrick, told them that he had an 'angel spirit' in him (true!). He would have been so touched to know that Patrick made a special trip from Germany to see him. But of course, he is looking in on us and I'm sure he will know, somehow. A shame though, that Patrick will only get to see him for this last time at the viewing tonight. And tomorrow is the funeral. But at least he has gotten to know the family and this is truly special for him as it has been for me.
I have bought a white rose to take. I'll write on the card this line from "Hamlet"
" Good night, sweet prince,
And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!"
To tell the truth, my heart is breaking. It's just beginning to sink in, the reality. He's gone and I'll never see him or talk to him again. Dear, dear Anibal, I loved you so much!
Monday, October 31, 2005
Friday, October 28, 2005
PINK ORCHIDS FOR A BLUE LADY
FRIDAY, Oct 28.
Yesterday, one of the ladies at my Memoir group brought me some beautiful magenta pink orchids. She said she'd seen them and knew she must get them for me. When I told her about my friend's illness and impending death, she said then that she knew there had been a real reason why she had bought them so spontaneously. And true, it was an appropriate gesture, which I really appreciated. I meant to write this entry yesterday, but didn't because I had a class last night. And this morning, I got the call. Anibal died at 8.15 a.m. today in the arms of his loving family. He has gone peacefully to that beautiful garden full of flowers that he described to them where he said people were waiting for him. He was alert enough to squeeze their hands, just as on Wednesday he had been alert enough to recognize me, say my name and smile at me. It's that smile of his that I will always remember.
Be at peace, dear friend. You were loved and will be missed by many. When I hear that music you loved so much I will remember you. But I'll try to keep on dancing and smiling back at you. You would want that.
Yesterday, one of the ladies at my Memoir group brought me some beautiful magenta pink orchids. She said she'd seen them and knew she must get them for me. When I told her about my friend's illness and impending death, she said then that she knew there had been a real reason why she had bought them so spontaneously. And true, it was an appropriate gesture, which I really appreciated. I meant to write this entry yesterday, but didn't because I had a class last night. And this morning, I got the call. Anibal died at 8.15 a.m. today in the arms of his loving family. He has gone peacefully to that beautiful garden full of flowers that he described to them where he said people were waiting for him. He was alert enough to squeeze their hands, just as on Wednesday he had been alert enough to recognize me, say my name and smile at me. It's that smile of his that I will always remember.
Be at peace, dear friend. You were loved and will be missed by many. When I hear that music you loved so much I will remember you. But I'll try to keep on dancing and smiling back at you. You would want that.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
STARTING THE NEW WEEK
TUESDAY, October 25
Yesterday I accidently posted my writer's blog on this site, but I decided to just leave it here and recopied it on to "Living the Writer's Life" as well. It was quite a strenuous and exciting weekend and I'm all recovered now, ready to start this new week fresh.
Something troubling, though...I went to visit A. yesterday and he seems to have taken a turn for the worse. I hope it's just one of those 'bad days' but it looked pretty grim. I promised to visit again today but I'm stalling off til later. It's so emotionally draining, keeping the 'stiff upper lip' and all that (yesterday his daughter told me how they'd been talking about me -- how I'm always so positive when I come to visit. She doesn't know about all the times I cry when I get home.) This weekend my German friend Patrick is arriving on a special trip to visit A. so I hope and pray that he will rally again before then. It is meant to be a huge surprise to boost his spirits but the last couple of times I've seen A. he's been out of it -- the meds are muddling his brilliant mind, not eating properly and distressed and depressed. It's such a tragedy!
One good thing this week is the end of the teacher's strike, so tomorrow I can resume teaching my night school classes and the money will once again come trickling in. I've somehow managed to get through the past two weeks with generous donations from Guardian Angels and yesterday a friend paid me back some money unexpectedly which I'd forgotten I'd loaned her. Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!
Today, I joined my former grad class ladies for our monthly luncheon. One of them fronted me enought to buy lunch which was generous of her. I will be so glad to get out of this deep financial hole I seem to have plunged into since the summer. But it's pretty clear now that I am NOT going to get any more daycare calls. It seems I am 'retired' now whether I wanted to be or now. Funny business going on there. I had a talk to with a co-worker and it's the same old story -- the director seems to be pushing out the long-time staff in favour of her relatives and other Asian girls much less (or not) qualified. An unhealthy situation but I've seen it happen over and over again in daycare. And that's one reason why I gave up working full-time some years ago.
Anyway, I have lots of work to do with my writing, trying to finish my novel and get some more travel stories written. So it's a matter of disciplining myself to get busy and focus on the task at hand (which I should be doing at this very moment!)
Yesterday I accidently posted my writer's blog on this site, but I decided to just leave it here and recopied it on to "Living the Writer's Life" as well. It was quite a strenuous and exciting weekend and I'm all recovered now, ready to start this new week fresh.
Something troubling, though...I went to visit A. yesterday and he seems to have taken a turn for the worse. I hope it's just one of those 'bad days' but it looked pretty grim. I promised to visit again today but I'm stalling off til later. It's so emotionally draining, keeping the 'stiff upper lip' and all that (yesterday his daughter told me how they'd been talking about me -- how I'm always so positive when I come to visit. She doesn't know about all the times I cry when I get home.) This weekend my German friend Patrick is arriving on a special trip to visit A. so I hope and pray that he will rally again before then. It is meant to be a huge surprise to boost his spirits but the last couple of times I've seen A. he's been out of it -- the meds are muddling his brilliant mind, not eating properly and distressed and depressed. It's such a tragedy!
One good thing this week is the end of the teacher's strike, so tomorrow I can resume teaching my night school classes and the money will once again come trickling in. I've somehow managed to get through the past two weeks with generous donations from Guardian Angels and yesterday a friend paid me back some money unexpectedly which I'd forgotten I'd loaned her. Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!
Today, I joined my former grad class ladies for our monthly luncheon. One of them fronted me enought to buy lunch which was generous of her. I will be so glad to get out of this deep financial hole I seem to have plunged into since the summer. But it's pretty clear now that I am NOT going to get any more daycare calls. It seems I am 'retired' now whether I wanted to be or now. Funny business going on there. I had a talk to with a co-worker and it's the same old story -- the director seems to be pushing out the long-time staff in favour of her relatives and other Asian girls much less (or not) qualified. An unhealthy situation but I've seen it happen over and over again in daycare. And that's one reason why I gave up working full-time some years ago.
Anyway, I have lots of work to do with my writing, trying to finish my novel and get some more travel stories written. So it's a matter of disciplining myself to get busy and focus on the task at hand (which I should be doing at this very moment!)
Monday, October 24, 2005
A WEEKEND IN LITERARY LAND
"You can declare at the very start that it's impossible to write a novel nowadays, but then, behind your back so to speak, give birth to a whopper, a novel to end all novels."
Gunter Grass (1927 -) The Tin Drum (1959) bk 7 "The Wide Skirt"
This weekend was the Surrey International Writer's Conference (www.siwc.com) and I was a volunteer (mainly because, being a poor full-time writer I can never afford to attend it otherwise.) I was thrilled with the jobs I was given: to introduce several of the authors and agents for their workshops. I was also able to attend a few of the workshops where I was either a door monitor or just sitting in. I made a lot of notes, and will include them here to share the information with you other writers who sometimes visit my blog site.
I introduced Deirdre Knight of the Knight Agency. This is what she had to say about the Author/Agent Relationship:
There will be several good agents, so start with the right person. Keep a good personality fit. You want someone who likes the full scope of what you are doing. Agents are the managers of your careers. Regarding blogs: Blogs help you equip yourself better.
I monitored and sat in on an exception lecture by Michael Slade, crime/suspense writer. Interestingly, this is his pen name. He also co-writes with his daughter. He used to be a lawyer and is a dynamic speaker as well as a high-impact writer!
Suspense: How to Avoid the Mistakes That Break It.
Keep the reader on the edge of their seat. Start with action, explain later. Hook the reader with the first line. Every chapter ends with a hook too.
Write the last sentence in the book before you write the first one. Then you know where the payoff goes and the plot will all move to this point.
Make it tough for your hero. Give him a worthy villain.
I introduced a B.C. author who writes Memoirs. This is what Luanne Armstrong had to say:
Memoirs are a best-selling genre these days. You can make a brilliant story out of ordinary life. ("Pilgrim at Tinker Creek" by Annie Dillard was an example of this.
Attention to details is important in a memoir. Involve the reader. Turn the focus on to ordinary things. The memorist's job is to get under the story: What happened? Why? Ask yourself "What is the story beneath your story?"
At the workshop for "Why Anne Boleyn is the Poster Girl for Historical Fiction" I introduced agent Irene Goodman. She told us: The story must capture the imagination of the reader. Write with authenticity. Write what comes from the deepest part of you.
The time for historical fiction has never been better than now. Her agency looks for stories with strong, interesting women heroines drawn from real historical characters. (The agency also handles other genres.)
It was quite a thrill for me to be chosen as the introducers for three best-selling authors:
Jean Auel, Diana Gabaldon and Terry Brooks for the workshop: "Worlds that Were and Worlds that Might Have Been" This was a panel discussion with a lot of input from the audience. Here's some of the comments the authors made:
Terry Brooks, author of the best-selling Magic Kingdom series -- "The Sword of Shannara" etc.
On World-building: It has to resonate in a way to make sense. There must be a level of believablity - a willing suspension of disbelief. He says he outlines everything but doesn't necessarily do a lot of research.
Jean Auel ("The Earth's Children" series, most notably "Clan of the Cave Bear")
says she starts with a story idea, researching and makes lots of notes, and then makes a bare outline. She is still using the origianal draft of "Clan of the Cave Bear" to build on her newest novel in the series (book six).
Diana Gabaldon, author of the best-selling "Outlander" series, warns that researching can be a pitfall for historical writers. (Be careful you aren't just researching and not writing!) Research and writing feed off each other. Interesting pieces of information can trigger plot ideas.
She writes in bits an dpieces (randomly) rather than in a linear way.
They all said: Keep working at something! You need to keep writing! Trust your instincts!
Both Diana Gabaldon and Jack Whyte, a B.C. writer, are very popular presenters at the Surrey Conference. I was pleased to be able to introduce Jack Whyte for his interesting workshop on "Description". Jack Whyte has a series of books about the Arthurian legends and Roman Britain and is currently writing a series on the Knights Templar. One thing he emphasized was: Don't over-describe. Description is crucially important. Set the scene and sescribe what is visually relevant. In "telling" you have to "show" Don't use complicated words. Keep it simple. Don't give too much detail. Leave something to the reader's own imagination.
I also attended a workshop on Blogging: A Writer's Tool by Teresa Nielsen Hayden, an editor.
Blogging helps you break out of writer's block. It keeps you in touch with other writers and puts your words out there. She says she always replies to comments on her blog site!
I sat in on two workshops with author Jessica Morrell. One was "Nail the Ending" in which she pointed out: The final lines are important. Make your ending satisfying to the reader. Spectacular endings may seem false. Keep your work true to itself.
In the lecture : "Bullies, Bastards, and Bitches -- Bad Guys in Fiction" she suggested:
Work on the back story of the antagonist or villain. Create a plot so the secrets of the back story come up toward the end of the story. She went over the various types of antagonists and their personality flaws, traits etc. She said an unlikeable antagonist is difficult to pull off and has to have an extreme personality. (such as Don Corlioni). Anti Heros are somewhere between villain and protagonist and often seen as an outsider. (Willie Loman). Is he redeemable?
Multiple point of view works best when you have unlikable protagonists in your story. The come-uppance in your story can't be contrived. Usually the unlikable character brings himself /herself down. Show your characters are like us, not unlike us, by presenting their back-story. Where did they go wrong? What made them into the kind of person they are now?
I found this workshop relevant to my own novel in that I have a multiple point of view with many of the historical characters portrayed as anti-heros - and one distinct villain! In fact, I created a couple of fictional 'heros' for my novel because so many of the key players in the fall of Alexander's dynasty were anti-heros or antagonists. This particular lecture also gave me some good insights and ideas for strengthening the real heros of my novel. I have also built up the characters of several of the women involved because historians gave them bad press and in researching their lives I realized what strong women they really were. In fact, there's a couple of them who deserve books of their own!
It was a great conference and I was so glad I was able to participate, although it would have been even more excellent had we been invited into the lunches (especially the genre lunch) and dinners. We did manage to schmooze a ticket for the Saturday dinner with the keynote speaker award winning author Jennifer Cruisie. And on Sunday we sat in on the keynote address by Diana Gabaldon who is a delightful person.
I came home yesterday (Sunday) totally exhausted, my head full of ideas, burning with inspiration. So this week I am determine to focus entirely on my novel writing, although I'm happy to learn the teacher's strike is over so my night-school classes will resume this week too.
Lots to write. So little time! Better get to work right now!
"Really, the writer doesn't want success. He knows he has a short span of life, that the day will come when he must pass through the wall of oblivion, and he wants to leave a scratch on that wall - 'Kilroy Was Here' - that somebody a hundred, or a thousand years later will see."
William Faulkner (1897-1962) From "Faulkner in the University (1959) session 8
Gunter Grass (1927 -) The Tin Drum (1959) bk 7 "The Wide Skirt"
This weekend was the Surrey International Writer's Conference (www.siwc.com) and I was a volunteer (mainly because, being a poor full-time writer I can never afford to attend it otherwise.) I was thrilled with the jobs I was given: to introduce several of the authors and agents for their workshops. I was also able to attend a few of the workshops where I was either a door monitor or just sitting in. I made a lot of notes, and will include them here to share the information with you other writers who sometimes visit my blog site.
I introduced Deirdre Knight of the Knight Agency. This is what she had to say about the Author/Agent Relationship:
There will be several good agents, so start with the right person. Keep a good personality fit. You want someone who likes the full scope of what you are doing. Agents are the managers of your careers. Regarding blogs: Blogs help you equip yourself better.
I monitored and sat in on an exception lecture by Michael Slade, crime/suspense writer. Interestingly, this is his pen name. He also co-writes with his daughter. He used to be a lawyer and is a dynamic speaker as well as a high-impact writer!
Suspense: How to Avoid the Mistakes That Break It.
Keep the reader on the edge of their seat. Start with action, explain later. Hook the reader with the first line. Every chapter ends with a hook too.
Write the last sentence in the book before you write the first one. Then you know where the payoff goes and the plot will all move to this point.
Make it tough for your hero. Give him a worthy villain.
I introduced a B.C. author who writes Memoirs. This is what Luanne Armstrong had to say:
Memoirs are a best-selling genre these days. You can make a brilliant story out of ordinary life. ("Pilgrim at Tinker Creek" by Annie Dillard was an example of this.
Attention to details is important in a memoir. Involve the reader. Turn the focus on to ordinary things. The memorist's job is to get under the story: What happened? Why? Ask yourself "What is the story beneath your story?"
At the workshop for "Why Anne Boleyn is the Poster Girl for Historical Fiction" I introduced agent Irene Goodman. She told us: The story must capture the imagination of the reader. Write with authenticity. Write what comes from the deepest part of you.
The time for historical fiction has never been better than now. Her agency looks for stories with strong, interesting women heroines drawn from real historical characters. (The agency also handles other genres.)
It was quite a thrill for me to be chosen as the introducers for three best-selling authors:
Jean Auel, Diana Gabaldon and Terry Brooks for the workshop: "Worlds that Were and Worlds that Might Have Been" This was a panel discussion with a lot of input from the audience. Here's some of the comments the authors made:
Terry Brooks, author of the best-selling Magic Kingdom series -- "The Sword of Shannara" etc.
On World-building: It has to resonate in a way to make sense. There must be a level of believablity - a willing suspension of disbelief. He says he outlines everything but doesn't necessarily do a lot of research.
Jean Auel ("The Earth's Children" series, most notably "Clan of the Cave Bear")
says she starts with a story idea, researching and makes lots of notes, and then makes a bare outline. She is still using the origianal draft of "Clan of the Cave Bear" to build on her newest novel in the series (book six).
Diana Gabaldon, author of the best-selling "Outlander" series, warns that researching can be a pitfall for historical writers. (Be careful you aren't just researching and not writing!) Research and writing feed off each other. Interesting pieces of information can trigger plot ideas.
She writes in bits an dpieces (randomly) rather than in a linear way.
They all said: Keep working at something! You need to keep writing! Trust your instincts!
Both Diana Gabaldon and Jack Whyte, a B.C. writer, are very popular presenters at the Surrey Conference. I was pleased to be able to introduce Jack Whyte for his interesting workshop on "Description". Jack Whyte has a series of books about the Arthurian legends and Roman Britain and is currently writing a series on the Knights Templar. One thing he emphasized was: Don't over-describe. Description is crucially important. Set the scene and sescribe what is visually relevant. In "telling" you have to "show" Don't use complicated words. Keep it simple. Don't give too much detail. Leave something to the reader's own imagination.
I also attended a workshop on Blogging: A Writer's Tool by Teresa Nielsen Hayden, an editor.
Blogging helps you break out of writer's block. It keeps you in touch with other writers and puts your words out there. She says she always replies to comments on her blog site!
I sat in on two workshops with author Jessica Morrell. One was "Nail the Ending" in which she pointed out: The final lines are important. Make your ending satisfying to the reader. Spectacular endings may seem false. Keep your work true to itself.
In the lecture : "Bullies, Bastards, and Bitches -- Bad Guys in Fiction" she suggested:
Work on the back story of the antagonist or villain. Create a plot so the secrets of the back story come up toward the end of the story. She went over the various types of antagonists and their personality flaws, traits etc. She said an unlikeable antagonist is difficult to pull off and has to have an extreme personality. (such as Don Corlioni). Anti Heros are somewhere between villain and protagonist and often seen as an outsider. (Willie Loman). Is he redeemable?
Multiple point of view works best when you have unlikable protagonists in your story. The come-uppance in your story can't be contrived. Usually the unlikable character brings himself /herself down. Show your characters are like us, not unlike us, by presenting their back-story. Where did they go wrong? What made them into the kind of person they are now?
I found this workshop relevant to my own novel in that I have a multiple point of view with many of the historical characters portrayed as anti-heros - and one distinct villain! In fact, I created a couple of fictional 'heros' for my novel because so many of the key players in the fall of Alexander's dynasty were anti-heros or antagonists. This particular lecture also gave me some good insights and ideas for strengthening the real heros of my novel. I have also built up the characters of several of the women involved because historians gave them bad press and in researching their lives I realized what strong women they really were. In fact, there's a couple of them who deserve books of their own!
It was a great conference and I was so glad I was able to participate, although it would have been even more excellent had we been invited into the lunches (especially the genre lunch) and dinners. We did manage to schmooze a ticket for the Saturday dinner with the keynote speaker award winning author Jennifer Cruisie. And on Sunday we sat in on the keynote address by Diana Gabaldon who is a delightful person.
I came home yesterday (Sunday) totally exhausted, my head full of ideas, burning with inspiration. So this week I am determine to focus entirely on my novel writing, although I'm happy to learn the teacher's strike is over so my night-school classes will resume this week too.
Lots to write. So little time! Better get to work right now!
"Really, the writer doesn't want success. He knows he has a short span of life, that the day will come when he must pass through the wall of oblivion, and he wants to leave a scratch on that wall - 'Kilroy Was Here' - that somebody a hundred, or a thousand years later will see."
William Faulkner (1897-1962) From "Faulkner in the University (1959) session 8
Thursday, October 20, 2005
THREE STRIKES AND YOU'RE OUT!
THURSDAY, Oct. 20
The on-going teacher's strike is now managing to completely muck up my life. Although I have been in solidarity with their cause (and now so are a number of other unions, causing general strikes in various areas of the province) it has now dragged on for two full weeks. I am informed by the VSB that if it doesn't end by the 27th the entire Fall night school program will be cancelled. As it is, I've been out of work for two weeks now (though last week at this time I was very sick and would have had to cancel anyhow). This means, of course, no pay. I was expecting a substantial cheque over the weekend and otherwise would have had the foresight to set some extra aside (what, I don't know, as I am constantly living on the edge and frankly I'm sick of it!)
Besides the schools being closed, I was unable to go to waterfit this week as the pools and fitness centre and library are also closed at my community centre as it's part of the school.
This weekend I'm introducing writers at the writers' conference, an assignment of great honour for me. Then I heard that tomorrow all the CUPE workers are striking in solidarity with the teachers. They claim this won't affect transit but you can bet it's bound to as I would imagine a number of the drivers won't cross picket lines. It's imperative I get out to the suburban hotel where these events are being held and I can only get there by sky-train/bus. Fortunately my friend Suzaki is also volunteering and has kindly offered to let me stay at her place tonight as she has a car and lives near the hotel.
I stopped by the bank this afternoon to collect my last $20 and discovered that I am actually overdrawn because I forgot about my apartment insurance. This was about the last straw! I was walking home feeling very despondent wondering what the hell am I going to do, penniless for the weekend (and informed we volunteers don't get supper provided as I'd thought we would). Who came bouncing along toward me but J.P. the French chef who has indeed become my Guardian Angel. He greeted me with his usual sparkling smile, hugged me and asked how I was. I moaned a bit, complained about the strike and all. He said "Oh, you need money?" and whipped out a fistful of bills, insisted I take them. It was a lot of money! I said I couldn't possibly take that much. He said to take what I needed and when I was only going to take $20 he insisted on me having more. $60! Wow! I was speechless. Said I'd pay him next week, but he said not to worry. I swear this guy has been put on earth to look over me. This is not the first time he has come to my rescue, the first being the very first time I met him, the night I had my wallet stolen. He is really a special person and a true Knight in shining armour coming to help the damsel in distress. I had wondered recently if chivalry was dead. But I can see that it really isn't!
Now, hopefully the strike will end. soon. Because if it doesn't, I'm out of work until January!
The on-going teacher's strike is now managing to completely muck up my life. Although I have been in solidarity with their cause (and now so are a number of other unions, causing general strikes in various areas of the province) it has now dragged on for two full weeks. I am informed by the VSB that if it doesn't end by the 27th the entire Fall night school program will be cancelled. As it is, I've been out of work for two weeks now (though last week at this time I was very sick and would have had to cancel anyhow). This means, of course, no pay. I was expecting a substantial cheque over the weekend and otherwise would have had the foresight to set some extra aside (what, I don't know, as I am constantly living on the edge and frankly I'm sick of it!)
Besides the schools being closed, I was unable to go to waterfit this week as the pools and fitness centre and library are also closed at my community centre as it's part of the school.
This weekend I'm introducing writers at the writers' conference, an assignment of great honour for me. Then I heard that tomorrow all the CUPE workers are striking in solidarity with the teachers. They claim this won't affect transit but you can bet it's bound to as I would imagine a number of the drivers won't cross picket lines. It's imperative I get out to the suburban hotel where these events are being held and I can only get there by sky-train/bus. Fortunately my friend Suzaki is also volunteering and has kindly offered to let me stay at her place tonight as she has a car and lives near the hotel.
I stopped by the bank this afternoon to collect my last $20 and discovered that I am actually overdrawn because I forgot about my apartment insurance. This was about the last straw! I was walking home feeling very despondent wondering what the hell am I going to do, penniless for the weekend (and informed we volunteers don't get supper provided as I'd thought we would). Who came bouncing along toward me but J.P. the French chef who has indeed become my Guardian Angel. He greeted me with his usual sparkling smile, hugged me and asked how I was. I moaned a bit, complained about the strike and all. He said "Oh, you need money?" and whipped out a fistful of bills, insisted I take them. It was a lot of money! I said I couldn't possibly take that much. He said to take what I needed and when I was only going to take $20 he insisted on me having more. $60! Wow! I was speechless. Said I'd pay him next week, but he said not to worry. I swear this guy has been put on earth to look over me. This is not the first time he has come to my rescue, the first being the very first time I met him, the night I had my wallet stolen. He is really a special person and a true Knight in shining armour coming to help the damsel in distress. I had wondered recently if chivalry was dead. But I can see that it really isn't!
Now, hopefully the strike will end. soon. Because if it doesn't, I'm out of work until January!
Thursday, October 13, 2005
FIGHTING THE FLU BUG
THURSDAY, Oct 13
I've been so ill the past couple of days I had to cancel a few events including my Memoir group. My other two night school classes have been cancelled due to the teacher's strike. But one important thing I needed to attend was the orientation for volunteers for the Writer's Conference next week. I couldn't even get out of my bed so I was unable to attend and hope that doesn't cancel me out as a volunteer. (I see they have me down to introduce a few of the presenters/authors so that will be a great opportunity!)
As soon as I got sick, I realized that perhaps this is why my friend A. has been feeling so ill since he got home from the hospital. All his symptoms sound similar. I hope that's what it is and not something far worse. He was doing well in the hospital but since arriving home last Friday he has been steadily sinking into a deep depression and saying he didn't feel well. He can't afford to get any bugs because of his serious condition and no doubt his immune system is right down.
It's unusual for me to be sick too and I can remember when the last time was that I felt so grim. Hopefully by tomorrow it will have passed. At least today I'm able to be up and about. Yesterday I couldn't even leave my bed.
I've been so ill the past couple of days I had to cancel a few events including my Memoir group. My other two night school classes have been cancelled due to the teacher's strike. But one important thing I needed to attend was the orientation for volunteers for the Writer's Conference next week. I couldn't even get out of my bed so I was unable to attend and hope that doesn't cancel me out as a volunteer. (I see they have me down to introduce a few of the presenters/authors so that will be a great opportunity!)
As soon as I got sick, I realized that perhaps this is why my friend A. has been feeling so ill since he got home from the hospital. All his symptoms sound similar. I hope that's what it is and not something far worse. He was doing well in the hospital but since arriving home last Friday he has been steadily sinking into a deep depression and saying he didn't feel well. He can't afford to get any bugs because of his serious condition and no doubt his immune system is right down.
It's unusual for me to be sick too and I can remember when the last time was that I felt so grim. Hopefully by tomorrow it will have passed. At least today I'm able to be up and about. Yesterday I couldn't even leave my bed.
Friday, October 07, 2005
KEEPING MY NOSE TO THE KEYBOARD!
FRIDAY, October 7
Today is a writing day and just as soon as I make my (late) breakfast I'll be here at the keyboard writing away! It's another gray, wet day so good to stay indoors although later I must hike up to the Drive to buy the groceries for the Thanksgiving dinner I'm having Sunday.
I've invited my son Steve, his wife Sue and two bachelor friends, my Havana Buddy and George.
My friend is coming home from the hospital today so that will save me a lot of trips downtown as he lives just around the corner from me. I pass by his place nearly every day at least once and I have an invitation to drop by any time. It's so much more convenient and it will be much better for him to be in his own environment among friends and family members.
Tonight is my son's early birthday bash at the bistro where he hosts the Blues jams, so I'm meeting Havana Buddy there and a couple of girlfriends. It's sure to be lots of fun. It will be another busy weekend as far as social events go and I also intend to write as much as I can. I'm not feeling so stressed or distracted now so it helps me to concentrate more on my creative endeavours.
Night school and Memoir classes went well this week but now the teachers have gone out on strike it means that next week's night school classes may be cancelled. The VSB has promised to add more days on the end of each session to make up for lost time. We have to honour the picket lines and support the teachers who have been bamboozled once again by our dictatorial provincial government who has 'ordered' them not to strike. They're doing it anyway. Bravo for them!
Today is a writing day and just as soon as I make my (late) breakfast I'll be here at the keyboard writing away! It's another gray, wet day so good to stay indoors although later I must hike up to the Drive to buy the groceries for the Thanksgiving dinner I'm having Sunday.
I've invited my son Steve, his wife Sue and two bachelor friends, my Havana Buddy and George.
My friend is coming home from the hospital today so that will save me a lot of trips downtown as he lives just around the corner from me. I pass by his place nearly every day at least once and I have an invitation to drop by any time. It's so much more convenient and it will be much better for him to be in his own environment among friends and family members.
Tonight is my son's early birthday bash at the bistro where he hosts the Blues jams, so I'm meeting Havana Buddy there and a couple of girlfriends. It's sure to be lots of fun. It will be another busy weekend as far as social events go and I also intend to write as much as I can. I'm not feeling so stressed or distracted now so it helps me to concentrate more on my creative endeavours.
Night school and Memoir classes went well this week but now the teachers have gone out on strike it means that next week's night school classes may be cancelled. The VSB has promised to add more days on the end of each session to make up for lost time. We have to honour the picket lines and support the teachers who have been bamboozled once again by our dictatorial provincial government who has 'ordered' them not to strike. They're doing it anyway. Bravo for them!
Sunday, October 02, 2005
I NEED TO WRITE!
SUNDAY, Oct 2. Another cold rainy day on the Wet Coast. We got teased with a couple of days of sunshine and last night that all ended. Looks like it's socked in for awhile now. Autumn is definitely here!
I have been itching to get back to work on my novel all this week after making several pages of notes but between classes and hospital visits I haven't had a moment when I could sit down and get my head around it. Usually I get myself going on the weekend, but this one has been busy. After getting an S.O.S. call from A. yesterday because he was lonely and wanted company, I dropped all my agenda and headed downtown. Was a bit dismayed with the other woman showed up as well. Seems he'd also called her. However I out-stayed her and was there til late afternoon when his daughter arrived.
Today I intended to get errands and chores done that I hadn't done yesterday. I didn't even go out last night I was so exhausted. So this morning I got the summer clothes put away and should have ditched a lot more than I did. Really, is it necessary to hang on to so many old t-shirts? I need a whole new wardrobe but can't afford one right now. If I chuck out all the 'old' clothes, that will be practically my entire closet. So I have to wait....again....
Instead of writing today I ended up meeting my friend Radio Girl and going to our favorite coffee bar for a late lunch and a long chat. The place was packed with rainy-day folk who had the same idea as us. We had an exceptionally great lunch with Italian sandwiches and a plate of appetizers, latte, etc. And spent some pleasant time flirting with a little pinky baby who was sitting next to us. Later went shopping and then walked home in the downpour. Not a nice day at all, but we made the best of it and had fun.
Now I feel the need to write, so I am hoping I can focus this evening and get back to where I'd left off last week. I really need to seriously discipline myself now. There's just been too many distractions and some of the time, when I was feeling so down, I couldn't write.
So, just writing in the blog is a start. Get's the creative juices flowing. And I hope this little conversation with myself does the trick!
I have been itching to get back to work on my novel all this week after making several pages of notes but between classes and hospital visits I haven't had a moment when I could sit down and get my head around it. Usually I get myself going on the weekend, but this one has been busy. After getting an S.O.S. call from A. yesterday because he was lonely and wanted company, I dropped all my agenda and headed downtown. Was a bit dismayed with the other woman showed up as well. Seems he'd also called her. However I out-stayed her and was there til late afternoon when his daughter arrived.
Today I intended to get errands and chores done that I hadn't done yesterday. I didn't even go out last night I was so exhausted. So this morning I got the summer clothes put away and should have ditched a lot more than I did. Really, is it necessary to hang on to so many old t-shirts? I need a whole new wardrobe but can't afford one right now. If I chuck out all the 'old' clothes, that will be practically my entire closet. So I have to wait....again....
Instead of writing today I ended up meeting my friend Radio Girl and going to our favorite coffee bar for a late lunch and a long chat. The place was packed with rainy-day folk who had the same idea as us. We had an exceptionally great lunch with Italian sandwiches and a plate of appetizers, latte, etc. And spent some pleasant time flirting with a little pinky baby who was sitting next to us. Later went shopping and then walked home in the downpour. Not a nice day at all, but we made the best of it and had fun.
Now I feel the need to write, so I am hoping I can focus this evening and get back to where I'd left off last week. I really need to seriously discipline myself now. There's just been too many distractions and some of the time, when I was feeling so down, I couldn't write.
So, just writing in the blog is a start. Get's the creative juices flowing. And I hope this little conversation with myself does the trick!
Monday, September 26, 2005
BEING KIND TO MYSELF
MONDAY, Sept. 26
I stayed in all day today and actually got some writing done. It felt good to be emerged in the novel again, that other distant world with the characters who are now like old friends.
I didn't even notice the weather outside was mild and sunny. I needed to stay here, in my protective bubble. Actually I was nursing another stomach ache that started after breakfast. All I'd eaten was yoghurt and an apple so I'm not sure which was the culprit. I'd say the apple.
I worked away with the intention of later going to the hospital. But the stomach ache wouldn't go away so I phoned there about 2.30 and explained I wasn't feeling well and would come perhaps tomorrow, definitely Wednesday. His voice sounded weak and barely audible, but I think he said he was having a better day. I felt bad though, as he was alone, and I know he likes company. After that I kept getting periods of great sadness.
Just before the writer's group was to come here this evening, I got a call from my friend who has been out of touch since I was so angry with her last week. It was good to talk, but I don't really feel things were that resolved as it ended up with the onus being placed on me. Anyway I'm letting it go. No use ruining a long friendship over pettiness and I think I made my point.
Everything was okay at the meeting tonight, friendly though somewhat distant. No hugs, no well-wishes, not one single word of comfort regarding A. Others were more sympathetic.
Still I have such a great empty feeling, a hole in my heart, and I just feel like I want to cry and cry but if the damn bursts it's never going to stop flooding so I'm holding it in.
Tomorrow might be a better day, lunch with the grad class ladies and maybe a hospital visit in the afternoon. And other things planned during the week to fill in the spaces and keep my mind occupied. Then there's the writing. I just have to tidy up these last pages and that's the end of Part IV (yay!) and a whole new section coming up, part of which is pre-written. So it's kind of exciting and I just hope I can keep focused on it.
I stayed in all day today and actually got some writing done. It felt good to be emerged in the novel again, that other distant world with the characters who are now like old friends.
I didn't even notice the weather outside was mild and sunny. I needed to stay here, in my protective bubble. Actually I was nursing another stomach ache that started after breakfast. All I'd eaten was yoghurt and an apple so I'm not sure which was the culprit. I'd say the apple.
I worked away with the intention of later going to the hospital. But the stomach ache wouldn't go away so I phoned there about 2.30 and explained I wasn't feeling well and would come perhaps tomorrow, definitely Wednesday. His voice sounded weak and barely audible, but I think he said he was having a better day. I felt bad though, as he was alone, and I know he likes company. After that I kept getting periods of great sadness.
Just before the writer's group was to come here this evening, I got a call from my friend who has been out of touch since I was so angry with her last week. It was good to talk, but I don't really feel things were that resolved as it ended up with the onus being placed on me. Anyway I'm letting it go. No use ruining a long friendship over pettiness and I think I made my point.
Everything was okay at the meeting tonight, friendly though somewhat distant. No hugs, no well-wishes, not one single word of comfort regarding A. Others were more sympathetic.
Still I have such a great empty feeling, a hole in my heart, and I just feel like I want to cry and cry but if the damn bursts it's never going to stop flooding so I'm holding it in.
Tomorrow might be a better day, lunch with the grad class ladies and maybe a hospital visit in the afternoon. And other things planned during the week to fill in the spaces and keep my mind occupied. Then there's the writing. I just have to tidy up these last pages and that's the end of Part IV (yay!) and a whole new section coming up, part of which is pre-written. So it's kind of exciting and I just hope I can keep focused on it.
Sunday, September 25, 2005
SWIMMING AGAINST THE TIDE
SATURDAY, Sept 24
Parts of this week were so good, and parts were really rough. Those rough days are the ones when my friend is suffering. Monday and Wednesday turned out to be good days, but emotionally exhausting. Wednesday was also my first night school class (Prompting the Muse). It turns out they made it six weeks instead of eight and also failed to deliver my handouts to the school. So I was stressed over that as well as the long day at the hospital.
By the time I got home that night I was completely exhausted and ill with stomach cramps.
Thursday I was sick, cramps and flu-like symptoms that have been plaguing me at least by mid week for the last few weeks. I know it's stress but it's also food-related. In this case, the 'comfort' food I ate Wednesday -- a mushroom burger, fries and some pretzels for a snack when I got home from class. So I suffered all day Thursday but had a Memoir class in the moring and a Travel Writing at night. Went straight home to bed with the heating pad.
My apartment is freezing. More hassles with the landlords who refuse to turn the heat on although it is now Fall the temperature has dropped considerably. I have threatened to go to the Tenant's Right's Board if they don't fix my thermostat and turn on the heat. I suffered all last winter with the same problem. They are such liars and cheats.
Friday I was reluctant to go for a hospital visit, but as I had to go downtown I did. A. was not having a good day and wanted me to sit and hold his hand. It's the meds he's on making him anxious and I am afraid they are going to make things worse for him (morphine). I didn't stay long, enough for me to feel really upset. When I was waiting for a bus I started to cry and could hardly hold back the tears.
I had a birthday invitation that night at an Irish Pub and went, t hough my stomach was aching. It turned out to be a very nice party with some excellent people and in no time I felt better. Later went to the LQ though, and immediately got into a blue mood, wished I hadn't gone there. It was so hard.
Today two friends wanted to visit A. so I phoned him and he was very weak and sick, said he was having another bad day. So we didn't go. Instead, met my friend for coffee, later ran into another friend and passed the afternoon. Tonight, determined to have a good evening, I went with my Havana Buddy to an excellent concert to hear Mariza, a Portugese fado singer. (A woman with the most amazing voice I've ever heard!) Even though I kept reviewing the situation with A. in my mind during the concert, I found myself relaxing and the stomach ache went away. After the concert we went to the LQ and it all turned into an excellent evening.
I am so fortunate to have these kind friends around me to help me through this rough patch. I feel as if I am swimming against the tide, barely keeping my head above water at times. But caring friends are around me and I am safe.
Tomorrow I'm going to surround myself with writers at the Words on the Street Writers/Readers festival at the Public Library. And later my pal George is coming for dinner. He's been so good, phoning me nearly every day to ask how I'm doing. So I know tomorrow I'll be in good hands once again. My life savers!
Parts of this week were so good, and parts were really rough. Those rough days are the ones when my friend is suffering. Monday and Wednesday turned out to be good days, but emotionally exhausting. Wednesday was also my first night school class (Prompting the Muse). It turns out they made it six weeks instead of eight and also failed to deliver my handouts to the school. So I was stressed over that as well as the long day at the hospital.
By the time I got home that night I was completely exhausted and ill with stomach cramps.
Thursday I was sick, cramps and flu-like symptoms that have been plaguing me at least by mid week for the last few weeks. I know it's stress but it's also food-related. In this case, the 'comfort' food I ate Wednesday -- a mushroom burger, fries and some pretzels for a snack when I got home from class. So I suffered all day Thursday but had a Memoir class in the moring and a Travel Writing at night. Went straight home to bed with the heating pad.
My apartment is freezing. More hassles with the landlords who refuse to turn the heat on although it is now Fall the temperature has dropped considerably. I have threatened to go to the Tenant's Right's Board if they don't fix my thermostat and turn on the heat. I suffered all last winter with the same problem. They are such liars and cheats.
Friday I was reluctant to go for a hospital visit, but as I had to go downtown I did. A. was not having a good day and wanted me to sit and hold his hand. It's the meds he's on making him anxious and I am afraid they are going to make things worse for him (morphine). I didn't stay long, enough for me to feel really upset. When I was waiting for a bus I started to cry and could hardly hold back the tears.
I had a birthday invitation that night at an Irish Pub and went, t hough my stomach was aching. It turned out to be a very nice party with some excellent people and in no time I felt better. Later went to the LQ though, and immediately got into a blue mood, wished I hadn't gone there. It was so hard.
Today two friends wanted to visit A. so I phoned him and he was very weak and sick, said he was having another bad day. So we didn't go. Instead, met my friend for coffee, later ran into another friend and passed the afternoon. Tonight, determined to have a good evening, I went with my Havana Buddy to an excellent concert to hear Mariza, a Portugese fado singer. (A woman with the most amazing voice I've ever heard!) Even though I kept reviewing the situation with A. in my mind during the concert, I found myself relaxing and the stomach ache went away. After the concert we went to the LQ and it all turned into an excellent evening.
I am so fortunate to have these kind friends around me to help me through this rough patch. I feel as if I am swimming against the tide, barely keeping my head above water at times. But caring friends are around me and I am safe.
Tomorrow I'm going to surround myself with writers at the Words on the Street Writers/Readers festival at the Public Library. And later my pal George is coming for dinner. He's been so good, phoning me nearly every day to ask how I'm doing. So I know tomorrow I'll be in good hands once again. My life savers!
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
COUNTING MY BLESSINGS
TUESDAY, Sept 20
A lot has happened in one week. First, by the end of last week I was feeling pretty down because of lack of money, friend's illness, night school class cancelled and computer crashed!
What more could go wrong. Had words with a friend on Sunday which really upset me further, though Sunday afternoon was great fun doing a photo-shoot for my pal Lyn who has amazingly lost 170 pounds since last year and looks fantastic!
Monday (yesterday) I went to the hospital and spent six hours there, a very worthwhile way to pass the day, helping my friend out and keeping him company. Our private visit and conversations were moments to remember. I opted out on going to my writer's critique group because he asked if I could 'cancel' my meeting. It meant a lot to him, and a lot ot me to be able to stay with him.
Today I felt quite exhausted, emotionally and physically. But before noon came, there were already two answers to prayer: I got a paycheque from the daycare covering the days they hadn't paid me for last week. And a letter from the gov't saying they were raising the rental subsidies for low-income seniors (me!). What a bonus!
My friends MJ and her techie husband came late this afternoon and while she took me out for a delicious Ethiopian dinner on the Drive, Brad fixed my computer....at no cost to me!
Three blessings in one day! I feel so fortunate, and grateful and thank God for answered prayers.
A lot has happened in one week. First, by the end of last week I was feeling pretty down because of lack of money, friend's illness, night school class cancelled and computer crashed!
What more could go wrong. Had words with a friend on Sunday which really upset me further, though Sunday afternoon was great fun doing a photo-shoot for my pal Lyn who has amazingly lost 170 pounds since last year and looks fantastic!
Monday (yesterday) I went to the hospital and spent six hours there, a very worthwhile way to pass the day, helping my friend out and keeping him company. Our private visit and conversations were moments to remember. I opted out on going to my writer's critique group because he asked if I could 'cancel' my meeting. It meant a lot to him, and a lot ot me to be able to stay with him.
Today I felt quite exhausted, emotionally and physically. But before noon came, there were already two answers to prayer: I got a paycheque from the daycare covering the days they hadn't paid me for last week. And a letter from the gov't saying they were raising the rental subsidies for low-income seniors (me!). What a bonus!
My friends MJ and her techie husband came late this afternoon and while she took me out for a delicious Ethiopian dinner on the Drive, Brad fixed my computer....at no cost to me!
Three blessings in one day! I feel so fortunate, and grateful and thank God for answered prayers.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
KEEPING BUSY
TUESDAY, Sept. 13
It's good to have lots to do and in that way you don't spend too much time dwelling on unhappy thoughts. Since the weekend there was a remarkable improvement in my friend's condition (which could be temporary but we must always hope for the best). So my visit yesterday was quite different from the one last Friday.
I've been having some good times with friends since the stressful time last week. Sunday my writer gal friends invited me to a lovely lunch at the grand old Sylvia Hotel, in the dining room overlooking the Bay. Later in the afternoon I ran into another girlfriend up on the Drive and enjoyed her company for awhile then got home and had a nice dinner with George and a long insightful talk during the evening.
So by yesterday I felt much better and spent the morning writing. Then I went to the hospital and was delightfully surprised to find A. quite perked up and in less pain than before. The visit was full of pleasant surprised (for me and him) and other people dropped by to make it even cheerier. After I left the hospital I went ot have dinner with my pal M.J. who is such a terrific cook! Then we went to our weekly critiquing goup. I read the draft of what I'd written in the morning and got favourable commentaries on it. That kind of rounded out the whole day for me.
It occured to me that I can not put my own life on hold because my friend is so ill. I have to take care of my own emotional health and if I am so stressed and sad like I was last weekend, then I am unable to write and enjoy my life. So today I got up early with the intentions of going to water-fit, but when I got there the pool was closed for maintenance. So I came home and spent some hours writing again and preparing my program for the Memoirs group that starts on Thursday. Tonight I went downtown to the West End Writers and chaired for the last time. It was a huge meeting, 18 people, many of them new, making a very stimulating night.
That excellent young man Wes was there who I met last year (he was in my Prompt the Muse class in the Spring.) We rode part way home on the bus together. I find him fascinating, so articulate and interesting. I hope we can keep in touch as I really like him and feel he has great untapped talent as a writer, just needs more focus (I think he told me he has ADD).
I just got home and I feel more relaxed than I have for awhile. In the morning I'm going to make some of that special avocado/zucchini puree soup for A. and take it to him tomorrow afternoon. I'll visit whenever I can (daytimes) because next week my night school classes start and I'm going to be very busy. I know A. will understand that and appreciate that I'm using my time doing writer's things, having a bit of fun in between. He knows I won't forget him. How could I? But I also have my own life to live.
It's good to have lots to do and in that way you don't spend too much time dwelling on unhappy thoughts. Since the weekend there was a remarkable improvement in my friend's condition (which could be temporary but we must always hope for the best). So my visit yesterday was quite different from the one last Friday.
I've been having some good times with friends since the stressful time last week. Sunday my writer gal friends invited me to a lovely lunch at the grand old Sylvia Hotel, in the dining room overlooking the Bay. Later in the afternoon I ran into another girlfriend up on the Drive and enjoyed her company for awhile then got home and had a nice dinner with George and a long insightful talk during the evening.
So by yesterday I felt much better and spent the morning writing. Then I went to the hospital and was delightfully surprised to find A. quite perked up and in less pain than before. The visit was full of pleasant surprised (for me and him) and other people dropped by to make it even cheerier. After I left the hospital I went ot have dinner with my pal M.J. who is such a terrific cook! Then we went to our weekly critiquing goup. I read the draft of what I'd written in the morning and got favourable commentaries on it. That kind of rounded out the whole day for me.
It occured to me that I can not put my own life on hold because my friend is so ill. I have to take care of my own emotional health and if I am so stressed and sad like I was last weekend, then I am unable to write and enjoy my life. So today I got up early with the intentions of going to water-fit, but when I got there the pool was closed for maintenance. So I came home and spent some hours writing again and preparing my program for the Memoirs group that starts on Thursday. Tonight I went downtown to the West End Writers and chaired for the last time. It was a huge meeting, 18 people, many of them new, making a very stimulating night.
That excellent young man Wes was there who I met last year (he was in my Prompt the Muse class in the Spring.) We rode part way home on the bus together. I find him fascinating, so articulate and interesting. I hope we can keep in touch as I really like him and feel he has great untapped talent as a writer, just needs more focus (I think he told me he has ADD).
I just got home and I feel more relaxed than I have for awhile. In the morning I'm going to make some of that special avocado/zucchini puree soup for A. and take it to him tomorrow afternoon. I'll visit whenever I can (daytimes) because next week my night school classes start and I'm going to be very busy. I know A. will understand that and appreciate that I'm using my time doing writer's things, having a bit of fun in between. He knows I won't forget him. How could I? But I also have my own life to live.
Saturday, September 10, 2005
HOW CAN YOU ABANDON YOUR FRIENDS?
FRIDAY, Sept. 9.
A friend of mine who recently broke up with her Chilean boyfriend has nothing at all good to say about Chilean men (my friend A. included). She has ranted on to me on more than one occasion, the most recent being yesterday, advising me to "Forget him. They are all liars. Don't give him your sympathy."
I find this poisonous tirade not only disturbing but offensive. My Chilean friend is in the hospital (in Palliative Care, very serious) with cancer. Should I abandon him?
I think not. And especially today when I went there and found he was alone and suffering so terribly from pain. (Apparantly they are readjusting his meds) How could you ever imagine abandoning a friend when they are in such a plight? I sat with him all afternoon, holding his hand and comforting him through the terrible spasm, in between talkiing and sometimes philosophizing about life. Why has this happened to him, in just three months? Has he done something bad to deserve this?
I cannot imagine how anyone could abandon anyone in this situation. And the attitude of my friend is highly disturbing. What kind of woman is she? How can she be so cruel-minded toward her fellow man just because he is of a certain ethnic background?
Perhaps it's situations like this that bring out the true nature of people. For sure, I am seeing her in a new and clear (not so nice) light. But no matter what, I will not abandon my friend.
No matter how tough it gets, I 'll be there for him, holding his hand and encouraging him to be brave.
A friend of mine who recently broke up with her Chilean boyfriend has nothing at all good to say about Chilean men (my friend A. included). She has ranted on to me on more than one occasion, the most recent being yesterday, advising me to "Forget him. They are all liars. Don't give him your sympathy."
I find this poisonous tirade not only disturbing but offensive. My Chilean friend is in the hospital (in Palliative Care, very serious) with cancer. Should I abandon him?
I think not. And especially today when I went there and found he was alone and suffering so terribly from pain. (Apparantly they are readjusting his meds) How could you ever imagine abandoning a friend when they are in such a plight? I sat with him all afternoon, holding his hand and comforting him through the terrible spasm, in between talkiing and sometimes philosophizing about life. Why has this happened to him, in just three months? Has he done something bad to deserve this?
I cannot imagine how anyone could abandon anyone in this situation. And the attitude of my friend is highly disturbing. What kind of woman is she? How can she be so cruel-minded toward her fellow man just because he is of a certain ethnic background?
Perhaps it's situations like this that bring out the true nature of people. For sure, I am seeing her in a new and clear (not so nice) light. But no matter what, I will not abandon my friend.
No matter how tough it gets, I 'll be there for him, holding his hand and encouraging him to be brave.
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
A GOOD BEGINNING
MONDAY, Sept 5.
Summer's over, now it's Fall
Quite the nicest time of all!
It sure felt like Fall tonight when I was walking home from my friends, bare feet in sandals and a light jacket. No buses in sight so I had to walk all the way, freezing!
But it's been a good beginning to this week. Perhaps starting yeterday (Sunday) when I went to visit A. and ended up going to Mass with him, his daughter and grandson in the hospital chapel. That set the tone for this week, I think.
Today I had a two-and-half hour filmed interview with this man from Toronto for a docu about older women and relationships. Rather fun. I talked so much my jaw hurt. Funny!
I wonder how much (if any) of the footage he'll use? I know I kind of look dorky on film but the interview was fun.
Then tonight I went to my Havana Buddy's to watch an excellent docu about Fidel Castro. We also watched a DVD of Arturo Sandoval at the Blue Note in New York. P. had already given me a copy of the CD but to see the concert 'live' was excellent. He basically plays the same sets he played at the jazz concert here. Really excellent music. We also watched several cuts of a collection of Saturday Night Live shows that were very amusing. Drank Mexican beer. Ate pizza and taco chips with salsa. A very nice evening!
When I got home I found out my "Sailing to Hades" article has been published in one of the weekly newspapers and I found it on two sites on-line which makes me happy. Not that it pays a lot but just to finally see it in print is always exciting!
www.travel-wise.com and www.vancourier.com (under travel) It think it also get published in a couple of the Valley newspapers.
So tomorrow I really hope I can get some writing done as well as a visit to my friend. And in the evening I have to chair the writer's club downtown. Might even go to waterfit in the morning if I get myself into gear early enough. I feel like I'm on a roll!
Summer's over, now it's Fall
Quite the nicest time of all!
It sure felt like Fall tonight when I was walking home from my friends, bare feet in sandals and a light jacket. No buses in sight so I had to walk all the way, freezing!
But it's been a good beginning to this week. Perhaps starting yeterday (Sunday) when I went to visit A. and ended up going to Mass with him, his daughter and grandson in the hospital chapel. That set the tone for this week, I think.
Today I had a two-and-half hour filmed interview with this man from Toronto for a docu about older women and relationships. Rather fun. I talked so much my jaw hurt. Funny!
I wonder how much (if any) of the footage he'll use? I know I kind of look dorky on film but the interview was fun.
Then tonight I went to my Havana Buddy's to watch an excellent docu about Fidel Castro. We also watched a DVD of Arturo Sandoval at the Blue Note in New York. P. had already given me a copy of the CD but to see the concert 'live' was excellent. He basically plays the same sets he played at the jazz concert here. Really excellent music. We also watched several cuts of a collection of Saturday Night Live shows that were very amusing. Drank Mexican beer. Ate pizza and taco chips with salsa. A very nice evening!
When I got home I found out my "Sailing to Hades" article has been published in one of the weekly newspapers and I found it on two sites on-line which makes me happy. Not that it pays a lot but just to finally see it in print is always exciting!
www.travel-wise.com and www.vancourier.com (under travel) It think it also get published in a couple of the Valley newspapers.
So tomorrow I really hope I can get some writing done as well as a visit to my friend. And in the evening I have to chair the writer's club downtown. Might even go to waterfit in the morning if I get myself into gear early enough. I feel like I'm on a roll!
Saturday, September 03, 2005
MUSIC THERAPY
FRIDAY, Sept 2
On Wednesday night this week, the guys from the band that my friend usually plays with on the weekends, went up to the Palliative Care ward and played a concert for him and other patients who were able to attend (most just heard the music from their beds). It was one of the most heart-warming experiences and truly a wonderful and therapeutic thing for my friend.
Several of the group from the LQ attended as well as his family members and grandkids. A couple of patients dropped in, one with his family, and other people stopped to listen. It was great to see A. participating, even trying to sing along although his voice is hoarse right now from the radiation. One thing the event showed us was what a 'family' we are, those of us who are regulars at the LQ. And the warm and loving cameraderie that is between us all.
Today when I went for my visit, he was looking bright and happy and much stronger. Evidently yesterday his daugher arranged for a harpist to come and play for him. More music therapy! Apparantly the harp has been used as a healing instrument for centuries. So he meditated while the harpist strummed. Definitely the best kind of medicine for him.
I went out for some of my own music therapy tonight, but unfortunately my favorite dance partner wasn't there. The crowd was mostly strangers, and it was a strange energy too. But as usual the music was excellent and I enjoy just sitting and listening and singing along.
On Wednesday night this week, the guys from the band that my friend usually plays with on the weekends, went up to the Palliative Care ward and played a concert for him and other patients who were able to attend (most just heard the music from their beds). It was one of the most heart-warming experiences and truly a wonderful and therapeutic thing for my friend.
Several of the group from the LQ attended as well as his family members and grandkids. A couple of patients dropped in, one with his family, and other people stopped to listen. It was great to see A. participating, even trying to sing along although his voice is hoarse right now from the radiation. One thing the event showed us was what a 'family' we are, those of us who are regulars at the LQ. And the warm and loving cameraderie that is between us all.
Today when I went for my visit, he was looking bright and happy and much stronger. Evidently yesterday his daugher arranged for a harpist to come and play for him. More music therapy! Apparantly the harp has been used as a healing instrument for centuries. So he meditated while the harpist strummed. Definitely the best kind of medicine for him.
I went out for some of my own music therapy tonight, but unfortunately my favorite dance partner wasn't there. The crowd was mostly strangers, and it was a strange energy too. But as usual the music was excellent and I enjoy just sitting and listening and singing along.
Monday, August 29, 2005
A NEW WEEK BEGINS
MONDAY, Aug 29
Wow, the month is almost over and soon it will be the end of summer and Fall time. The weather is still quite warm so I hope by the weekend I'll get another swim in the pool by the Bay.
This weekend was pleasant. Yesterday I went to see a lovely movie "Ladies in Lavender" with those amazing women Judy Dench and Maggie Smith. Afterwards my friend came for dinner. When we got to my place she opened her car trunk and there were bags and bags of groceries that her daughter had bought for me. I was so awed by this -- another act of kindness by a generous friend! There was everything from pizza to strawberries! Although I do get my cheques this week, this will certainly cut down on my grocery expenses. I'm ever so grateful!
After dinner and a long talk, I just relaxed for the rest of the evening. My TV is giving up the ghost so I don't watch it much at all these days. Just played on the computer and did X-words.
Today, with money in my pocket (at last! Yay!) I went downtown to visit A. Took him a red rose. It was a nice visit, though he seemed bewildered today, a bit beaten and looking old. But at least he'd eaten something nutritious. And he appologized for not being able to talk as his voice was hoarse (from the treatments, apparantly). While he was sprucing himself up I went to the lounge and had a long and interesting, (also revealing) talk with his youngest daughter. It was good to talk more intimately to her and good for her to be able to express things to me. I think it was special for both of us. As I was leaving he said "I'm going to get well!" Good to hear a positive statement. And I agreed, "Yes you are!" And he thanked me for the rose, and my love and my caring. His daughter and I had a good warm hug, and then I left.
I felt good after that visit and talk. We all have to work together to help him get through this. And don't forget to pray!
Tonight was my writer's group -- always good to be with my writer friends. I've even had a few good laughs today. So it's a positive start for the new week.
Wow, the month is almost over and soon it will be the end of summer and Fall time. The weather is still quite warm so I hope by the weekend I'll get another swim in the pool by the Bay.
This weekend was pleasant. Yesterday I went to see a lovely movie "Ladies in Lavender" with those amazing women Judy Dench and Maggie Smith. Afterwards my friend came for dinner. When we got to my place she opened her car trunk and there were bags and bags of groceries that her daughter had bought for me. I was so awed by this -- another act of kindness by a generous friend! There was everything from pizza to strawberries! Although I do get my cheques this week, this will certainly cut down on my grocery expenses. I'm ever so grateful!
After dinner and a long talk, I just relaxed for the rest of the evening. My TV is giving up the ghost so I don't watch it much at all these days. Just played on the computer and did X-words.
Today, with money in my pocket (at last! Yay!) I went downtown to visit A. Took him a red rose. It was a nice visit, though he seemed bewildered today, a bit beaten and looking old. But at least he'd eaten something nutritious. And he appologized for not being able to talk as his voice was hoarse (from the treatments, apparantly). While he was sprucing himself up I went to the lounge and had a long and interesting, (also revealing) talk with his youngest daughter. It was good to talk more intimately to her and good for her to be able to express things to me. I think it was special for both of us. As I was leaving he said "I'm going to get well!" Good to hear a positive statement. And I agreed, "Yes you are!" And he thanked me for the rose, and my love and my caring. His daughter and I had a good warm hug, and then I left.
I felt good after that visit and talk. We all have to work together to help him get through this. And don't forget to pray!
Tonight was my writer's group -- always good to be with my writer friends. I've even had a few good laughs today. So it's a positive start for the new week.
Saturday, August 27, 2005
A BETTER DAY TODAY
SATURDAY, Aug 27
After the horribly down day all Friday (except when I was writing poetry in the Gardens with the group of poets from Pandora's Collective), I ended up having a much better day today.
Yesterday I could hardly stop the tears. During the outing to the park (you can read the poetry I wrote on http://wynnbexton.blogspot.com ) I was in a good space and the Muse was certainly present. But in the evening I went to the L.Q. to dance and had to keep leaving to go either into the washroom or outside as I was so teary. Especially when the band played that song young William sings which A. had been translating for me last week. I couldn't hold it in any longer and dashed outside, just heartbroken. All during the evening to I was touched by the fact that A's friends kept coming over to ask me how he was and how I was doing. And then the evening took a positive turn when that lovely Frenchman arrived. We sat and talked and he has this marvelous smile that makes you want to smile back. He bought me a couple of drinks and then he walked me home. It was like (once again) he was being my guardian angel!
I went to bed last night just sobbing (in spite of my excellent company going home) and this morning I woke in the same mood but willed myself to get over it. Then I got a nice email from my Havana Buddy offering to loan me money for groceries (which I needed). I am so touched by the kindness of my friends! So we met and then I went grocery shopping and kept running into people along the Drive and stopped to chat. It was a bit late when I got home so I had a late start going to the hospital. I wanted to take A. the poetry I wrote yesterday, also 2 avocados and a peach as the hospital food is gross beyond words.
My stomach was upset when I left the house (as it has been all week). I was so afraid that other person would be there. But she wasn't, just his youngest daughter and grandkids. So we had an amazing visit, such sweet conversation. And in spite of it all he looked good and is keeping very cheerful. They came in to give him his meds and that means shortly after he's nodding off, so I left. But I felt so good. No stomach upset either! And came home feeling much more light-hearted and hopeful. Now I'm cooking a special good dinner (eating late, European style) but it smells delicious and I am going to enjoy my relaxing evening at home. No more tears tonight!
After the horribly down day all Friday (except when I was writing poetry in the Gardens with the group of poets from Pandora's Collective), I ended up having a much better day today.
Yesterday I could hardly stop the tears. During the outing to the park (you can read the poetry I wrote on http://wynnbexton.blogspot.com ) I was in a good space and the Muse was certainly present. But in the evening I went to the L.Q. to dance and had to keep leaving to go either into the washroom or outside as I was so teary. Especially when the band played that song young William sings which A. had been translating for me last week. I couldn't hold it in any longer and dashed outside, just heartbroken. All during the evening to I was touched by the fact that A's friends kept coming over to ask me how he was and how I was doing. And then the evening took a positive turn when that lovely Frenchman arrived. We sat and talked and he has this marvelous smile that makes you want to smile back. He bought me a couple of drinks and then he walked me home. It was like (once again) he was being my guardian angel!
I went to bed last night just sobbing (in spite of my excellent company going home) and this morning I woke in the same mood but willed myself to get over it. Then I got a nice email from my Havana Buddy offering to loan me money for groceries (which I needed). I am so touched by the kindness of my friends! So we met and then I went grocery shopping and kept running into people along the Drive and stopped to chat. It was a bit late when I got home so I had a late start going to the hospital. I wanted to take A. the poetry I wrote yesterday, also 2 avocados and a peach as the hospital food is gross beyond words.
My stomach was upset when I left the house (as it has been all week). I was so afraid that other person would be there. But she wasn't, just his youngest daughter and grandkids. So we had an amazing visit, such sweet conversation. And in spite of it all he looked good and is keeping very cheerful. They came in to give him his meds and that means shortly after he's nodding off, so I left. But I felt so good. No stomach upset either! And came home feeling much more light-hearted and hopeful. Now I'm cooking a special good dinner (eating late, European style) but it smells delicious and I am going to enjoy my relaxing evening at home. No more tears tonight!
Thursday, August 25, 2005
TRYING TO KEEP IT TOGETHER
THURSDAY, Aug 25.
Maybe this will turn into a record of me trying to keep it together while I wait and hope and pray that my friend recovers. These past days though, it seems as if the situation is pretty grim. There are so many stories, nothing up-front, variations of diagnosis and I am finding it confusing. He won't talk about it straight and his daughter told me if I want to know I'd have to ask him. But reading between the lines, and having had a lot of experience in the past with people (dear friends and family) who have suffered from cancer, I can see this isn't going well.
The other night when I was there he looked fine, perky, happy and eating well. By yesterday they moved him to Pallative Care (ominous!) and since then he's been nauseated and not eating. If he doesn't eat he won't gain back his strength. And putting all the stories together I am beginning to see that perhaps his cancer has metastacized. Tonight he daughter talked about taking him home, getting a nurse in etc. I just don't know...
Our visits are very special to me and precious, considering they might be the last. And I am feeling really uncomfortable about the way another certain person moved right in from the beginning and is acting the role of 'girlfriend'. Tonight when I went there she was sitting on his bed holding his hand, and when she left, whispering sweet things to him. Up until he went into the hospital she had another boyfriend but suddenly she's taken on this new role and she seems to know all the inside details about his condition etc. I don't want to feel jealous or possessive over him but he and I have been friends for four years and I feel that she's pushing it a bit. Even the card she wrote to him was more like a love letter. Well, I'm trying to deal with this in a most dignified way. It isn't right to be playing tug-o-war over this poor man who is so ill.
But I don't want anything spoiling my visits with him. And stuff like happened tonight leaves me feeling very awkward.
Another thing that happened today was when I was having lunch with a friend to discuss Greece she started going on a big rant about Chilean men and said some very hurtful things such as "I don't know why you bother with him. He's not worth it." And other very nasty things. She's had a bad experience herself and seems to be full of poison over it.
By the time I got home tonight I felt a wreck. Just sat out on the balcony awhile looking at the sunset and having a cry. I can't let myself slip into depression over this but to tell the truth, if he doesn't make it I'm going to be totally devastated.
Maybe this will turn into a record of me trying to keep it together while I wait and hope and pray that my friend recovers. These past days though, it seems as if the situation is pretty grim. There are so many stories, nothing up-front, variations of diagnosis and I am finding it confusing. He won't talk about it straight and his daughter told me if I want to know I'd have to ask him. But reading between the lines, and having had a lot of experience in the past with people (dear friends and family) who have suffered from cancer, I can see this isn't going well.
The other night when I was there he looked fine, perky, happy and eating well. By yesterday they moved him to Pallative Care (ominous!) and since then he's been nauseated and not eating. If he doesn't eat he won't gain back his strength. And putting all the stories together I am beginning to see that perhaps his cancer has metastacized. Tonight he daughter talked about taking him home, getting a nurse in etc. I just don't know...
Our visits are very special to me and precious, considering they might be the last. And I am feeling really uncomfortable about the way another certain person moved right in from the beginning and is acting the role of 'girlfriend'. Tonight when I went there she was sitting on his bed holding his hand, and when she left, whispering sweet things to him. Up until he went into the hospital she had another boyfriend but suddenly she's taken on this new role and she seems to know all the inside details about his condition etc. I don't want to feel jealous or possessive over him but he and I have been friends for four years and I feel that she's pushing it a bit. Even the card she wrote to him was more like a love letter. Well, I'm trying to deal with this in a most dignified way. It isn't right to be playing tug-o-war over this poor man who is so ill.
But I don't want anything spoiling my visits with him. And stuff like happened tonight leaves me feeling very awkward.
Another thing that happened today was when I was having lunch with a friend to discuss Greece she started going on a big rant about Chilean men and said some very hurtful things such as "I don't know why you bother with him. He's not worth it." And other very nasty things. She's had a bad experience herself and seems to be full of poison over it.
By the time I got home tonight I felt a wreck. Just sat out on the balcony awhile looking at the sunset and having a cry. I can't let myself slip into depression over this but to tell the truth, if he doesn't make it I'm going to be totally devastated.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
THIS WEEK SO FAR
TUESDAY, Aug 23
I've been trying to get back on track with my writing schedule this week and so far, so good!
Yesterday I did a few hours work and in the evening the writer's group came so it was my turn to read. I got very useful and encouraging critiques, so today I did some editing and made notes to finish off Part IV. The ideas are flowing now. The Muse is there on my shoulder giving me hints and ideas!
After my few hours of work today, I headed for the beach. Summer's drawing to an end and in another couple of weeks the pool will be closed at Second Beach. I still haven't gone swimming in the ocean though, so perhaps I ought to do that soon. I usually head for the beach in the mid-late afternoon. When I got there today there weren't too many people so I nabbed a deck chair and was able to lounge in the sun for awhile as well as have a couple of excellent long swims. The pool water is so pleasantly warm!
By six thirty I decided to head along the sea wall and caught to bus to the hospital.
A. was sitting up looking very well again tonight. Shortly after I arrived some other guests came too and he was very pleased to see them (the guys from the LQ). I was going to leave but he asked me to stay so I hung out until about 8.30 then left because he still hadn't eaten his dinner and was hungry. The hospital food is a disgrace. He suggested I should write a story about it and I certainly will if I get more info. It's so disgusting his daughter says she'll take photos of it. The meal she showed me tonight looked like vomit! So she's bring bringing him suitable and delicious food from outside and his friend arrived tonight with a big bag of fruit.
So tomorrow is another day at home, writing and doing some errands I need to do (checking up on my own health and well-being). I'll go and visit A. again on Thursday afternoon. At the rate he's going we hope that he'll soon be able to get out. He's finished his radiation now and it's only a matter of time. And, of course, we're all praying for a positive outcome. But it's looking more hopeful at this time.
I've been trying to get back on track with my writing schedule this week and so far, so good!
Yesterday I did a few hours work and in the evening the writer's group came so it was my turn to read. I got very useful and encouraging critiques, so today I did some editing and made notes to finish off Part IV. The ideas are flowing now. The Muse is there on my shoulder giving me hints and ideas!
After my few hours of work today, I headed for the beach. Summer's drawing to an end and in another couple of weeks the pool will be closed at Second Beach. I still haven't gone swimming in the ocean though, so perhaps I ought to do that soon. I usually head for the beach in the mid-late afternoon. When I got there today there weren't too many people so I nabbed a deck chair and was able to lounge in the sun for awhile as well as have a couple of excellent long swims. The pool water is so pleasantly warm!
By six thirty I decided to head along the sea wall and caught to bus to the hospital.
A. was sitting up looking very well again tonight. Shortly after I arrived some other guests came too and he was very pleased to see them (the guys from the LQ). I was going to leave but he asked me to stay so I hung out until about 8.30 then left because he still hadn't eaten his dinner and was hungry. The hospital food is a disgrace. He suggested I should write a story about it and I certainly will if I get more info. It's so disgusting his daughter says she'll take photos of it. The meal she showed me tonight looked like vomit! So she's bring bringing him suitable and delicious food from outside and his friend arrived tonight with a big bag of fruit.
So tomorrow is another day at home, writing and doing some errands I need to do (checking up on my own health and well-being). I'll go and visit A. again on Thursday afternoon. At the rate he's going we hope that he'll soon be able to get out. He's finished his radiation now and it's only a matter of time. And, of course, we're all praying for a positive outcome. But it's looking more hopeful at this time.
Sunday, August 21, 2005
NEWS UPDATES
SUNDAY, Aug. 21.
It's been a good weekend so far. Friday I visited A. again and this time he was so much improved, looking himself again, sitting up dining and talking. We had one of our wonderful long chats, so I stayed longer than I'd intended as he wanted me to. At one point he was listening to a song he wanted to translate for me and he was actually singing! It was so great to see him in such good spirits. Staying positive and hopeful is part of the healing process and I felt in my heart that he will get over this. He asked me if I thought he would beat it and I said he certainly would. He's a survivor and he'll do it! I pray a hundred times a day that he will.
I'm finding distractions to keep myself from being preoccupied with A's condition. Yesterday I had my good friend George here for dinner. We always have such nice visits and long talks. Our history as friends goes 'way back to the '70's. So I prepared an Italian meal, he provided the Italian wine and we had quite an enjoyable evening. Watched the video of the "Arturo Sandoval Story" which has the soundtrack of Sandoval's amazing trumpet playing. A very nice evening! And I managed not to let myself slip into any sad thoughts about negative possibilities concerning A.
Today I'd thought of going to the beach later on but my girlfriend called to remind me of the Latin Days celebration at the local Trout Lake park. So we're taking a little picnic and meeting some friends of hers there. That should be a lot of fun and no doubt we'll run into a lot of our friends there (Hispanic ones and otherwise). Maybe even do some dancing. (I missed out on my dances with the Greek on Friday night as I arrived at the L.Q. too late and he had to leave.)
So, for the most portion of today I'll concentrate on writing. Got to catch up and keep my mind occupied with creative activities!
It's been a good weekend so far. Friday I visited A. again and this time he was so much improved, looking himself again, sitting up dining and talking. We had one of our wonderful long chats, so I stayed longer than I'd intended as he wanted me to. At one point he was listening to a song he wanted to translate for me and he was actually singing! It was so great to see him in such good spirits. Staying positive and hopeful is part of the healing process and I felt in my heart that he will get over this. He asked me if I thought he would beat it and I said he certainly would. He's a survivor and he'll do it! I pray a hundred times a day that he will.
I'm finding distractions to keep myself from being preoccupied with A's condition. Yesterday I had my good friend George here for dinner. We always have such nice visits and long talks. Our history as friends goes 'way back to the '70's. So I prepared an Italian meal, he provided the Italian wine and we had quite an enjoyable evening. Watched the video of the "Arturo Sandoval Story" which has the soundtrack of Sandoval's amazing trumpet playing. A very nice evening! And I managed not to let myself slip into any sad thoughts about negative possibilities concerning A.
Today I'd thought of going to the beach later on but my girlfriend called to remind me of the Latin Days celebration at the local Trout Lake park. So we're taking a little picnic and meeting some friends of hers there. That should be a lot of fun and no doubt we'll run into a lot of our friends there (Hispanic ones and otherwise). Maybe even do some dancing. (I missed out on my dances with the Greek on Friday night as I arrived at the L.Q. too late and he had to leave.)
So, for the most portion of today I'll concentrate on writing. Got to catch up and keep my mind occupied with creative activities!
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